Fear Not

Present fears
Are less than horrible imaginings.

Macbeth Act I, Scene III

A couple of years ago in the Shakespeare Club, I staged "Macbeth" with ten-year-olds playing the royally ambitious Him and Her.

Even younger kids played other heroic roles and all of them digested the plot as we discussed the moral choices of Shakespeare's characters.

Let me emphasize these were elementary public school children reading, journaling and acting out this bloody drama.


Leaders in Thailand have decided their adult population cannot handle "Macbeth" and have banned a film about a theatrical company performing the play.

The film's director, Ing Kanjanavanit, is as dismayed — as any in the free world might be — to have learned that higher-ups are afeared her updated, relevant telling might incite "divisiveness among the people of the nation."

Art thou afeard
To be the same in thine own act and valour
As thou art in desire?

Macbeth Act I, Scene VII

Thailand bans "Macbeth" adaptation as too divisive (AP/CBS News)

What a Difference a Year Makes

Last year, after our final performance of "Macbeth," I turned into a big whiner because I was alone with no one to celebrate with after months of hard work. I went home to a bath and was in bed before sunset.

Last year, my husband was working far across the country...Rachel was busy with visiting family...I had misplaced any friends I used to have. You can hear the whining as you read this.

This year, our performances happened to fall on my birthday — so I whined even more, in advance, to anyone within range. I made threats like "no Christmas gifts at all" and guess what? It worked.

My husband put his work on hold and flew home days before the performances to help out and, more importantly, to bear witness.

Mel and her brother.
My brother, a firefighter in Vancouver, flew down on Performance Day in time to see both the 3 p.m. and 6 p.m. shows.

My good friend arranged a flight home from New York City and arrived at our school for the 6 p.m. performance.

Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles stayed after the final show to help clean up.

My little support group feted me at a hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint with margaritas and fish tacos.

The four shows were a huge success, the kids were empowered, and here's the take-away:

Even though rule number four of Shakespeare Club is never whine....

In judicious teaspoonfuls, whining works.

And I had a happy birthday indeed.


CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

I love the play it seemed so net. I learned that Henry dated six women. The first one was divorced. The resen why he dated the women because of a baby boy. I learnd the poems of shackspear. Thank you Ms. ryane and Ms. Rachel.

P.S. Buy Ms. Ryen hoep you have a grate life.

—Laci, 4th grade

Hop on Pop

"Hey, has anyone seen Calvin?"

Nope.

No, Ms. Ryane.

I think he's outside, Ms. Ryane!

And he was. Wandering the quad alone.

"Hi, Calvin."

Hi.

This was a forlorn "hi" from a sad-looking kid.

"What'cha doin' out here, Calvin?"

Scuff, scuff. Rub the top of the head. Look this way and that.

I guess lookin' for my dad.

Calvin is in fifth grade and in his final year of Shakespeare Club. In third grade, he was a sailor in "Twelfth Night." For the following two years, he took on the role of lighting operator. He was so adept last year on "Macbeth" that we doubled up his cues for this year's show.

He wanted someone — a certain someone — to see him run that lighting board.

Calvin struggles academically. There was some talk of possibly holding him back from middle school for a year...but the boy can operate lights.

Calvin is in pain on the home front. Dad.

I guess lookin' for my dad.


Oliver is playing Demetrius. Oliver had a phone conversation with his dad before the morning show. He was looking for some encouragement from the man. The man in his life who lives in another house and would not be showing up to see Oliver's Demetrius.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, I or anyone else can do or say to make up for these AWOL fathers.

"Come inside, Calvin, you have a show to run. The actors need your lights. Maybe your dad'll show up."

Yeah.

Shuffle. Head down. Hoodie up.

"I know, Calvin. I know how great your work is and I will never forget how you operated that lighting board."

Calvin takes his place at the back of the auditorium with the rest of the crew. The audience is excited and loud. I step onstage to engage with each actor for a last-minute pep talk.

"Oliver, have a blast. Oliver...Oliver, look at me. What is it?"

He scans the house.

Nothin' I guess.

"Oliver, other kids are going to want to act and other people will go to the theatre again because of your work....You are that good. Believe me?"

Yeah.

I guess lookin' for my dad.

CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

Dear my true love,

I miss you dearly. I can't wait to see you. You make my day every time I talk, and see you. I couldn't find a guy like you. I hope one day we get married. When you talk it is soft and gently.

P.S. Your sunshine girl

—Natalie, 5th grade

In a Closet

The morning of our performance day whirled in a chaos of green-T-shirted children bubbling with excitement and jitters. Rachel gathered the group for a concentration game involving numbers and memory while I did my own tally.

Every time I started a count of all our kids, up popped a question, or a last minute prop problem...or something. One, two, three...where's Calvin?

Bathroom!

Four, five, six...Lizzie?

Water fountain!

Seven, eight...where's Oliver?

We don't know!

I checked outside and scouted the schoolyard...nope.


Oliver successfully portrayed Macbeth for the club last year and many folks were looking forward to his Demetrius this year. But Oliver had been having a tough time in fifth grade. I think pre-teen hormones had his motherboard on the fritz.

The boy seemed dismayed by the simplest of schoolroom tasks, like keeping his desk neat. Then he'd break out in a physical mania that perplexed adults, who observed him as one might study a crazy person. Oliver would fling himself to the floor and spin on his butt or fall over in boisterous laughter for no apparent reason.

He told me before spring break that he would be away for two additional weeks because his dad was taking him on a cross-country trip.

"What, Oliver? You mean you're going to miss Shakespeare Club for two weeks?"

Yeah, I guess.

I called his mother to confirm. Oliver's parents are divorced and as she explained it, his dad was going to take Oliver and his sister to Tennessee and Michigan to meet aunts and uncles for the first time.

I didn't want to put the kibosh on family time, but....

I reminded her that she had agreed Oliver wouldn't miss any meetings. That we only had a couple of rehearsals left, and that he seriously needed the time because he was having trouble remembering his lunch, let alone Shakespearean text....

In the end, the trip was postponed only because the airlines suddenly raised their rates.

Oliver used our final rehearsals well and I could finally see his Demetrius as a full-blown character. Today was the day for Oliver, but he was AWOL.


In a desperate move, I opened the walk-in closet next to the stage, where I'd asked the kids to throw their backpacks.

Oliver. There he was, wading amidst a pile of colorful bags. He was on a cell phone.

I just need the belief, Dad....I just need some of that. I need the faith.

I watched Oliver. He didn't notice me. He was intent on his conversation.

Oliver. My name is Oliver. Oliver. My name is Oliver.

He pressed the phone hard to his ear. His face was serious.

Thanks, Dad. Thanks for the belief.

He turned the phone off and looked at me.

"Ready?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Come here, my friend."

I put my arms around him and whispered.

"You're going to be great. You know what to do out there. You're going to have the best day."

And we walked out of the closet to join mad mechanicals, lovers and fairies.

CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

I learned that I can overcome my fear and act silly and funny. I loved these years in Shakespeare Club it has been great. I will miss everyone here and you too, Bottom. I have reached my goal for now! I'm on way to my big goal to New York theaters. My experience will live on in Shakespeare Club.

—Dominick, 5th grade

The Feedbag

I have admiration for artists with the discipline not to read their reviews.

Believe me, if there were published reviews of Shakespeare Club performances, these young actors would be all over them. As it is, they glow in the raves from family and friends — but nothing beats a stroll across the campus and the awed looks they receive from their peers and from the little, little kids.

I was sent email reactions in the days following the performances, and along with my relief at the getting "Macbeth" up and done, I admit to a bit of glowing myself.

I'm a mom of a first grader and I just wanted to let you know how inspired I was seeing The Shakespeare Club's production of MacBeth! I never thought I'd be discussing Shakespeare with my six yr. old!

Thank you for bringing this amazing program to the school and I really hope my kid's get to be a part of it someday!!

Loved Oliver as MacBeth. He looked like he felt right at home on a stage. But I was already crying pre show when the actors were having pictures taken and they looked so happy and important. This was a huge day in their lives.

Your ears must have been burning. I've been talking about your Macbeth ever since I was lucky enough to be part of that wonderful audience. Again, congratulations. What an undertaking. Those kids were amazing and your direction and edits and narration were terrific.

Have you recovered? I was talking to the principal and a few of the parents and I hope you know that they think the world of you and what you've done for their kids.

Thanks for inviting me to see your production of "Macbeth." It's truly amazing that the children keep getting better and better, even when the material gets tougher and tougher. Kudos to you and the children for a wonderful afternoon of Shakespeare. I remember the first year's play, where all of the children clung to their scripts, yet were animated and funny where funny should be. To see your young, lead actors act out Macbeth with no scripts in sight was uplifting and left me in awe of their talents and your hard work. I say this every year, but it can never be said enough...THANK YOU, MEL RYANE FOR WHAT YOU DO FOR THESE CHILDREN! The Shakespeare Club motto says it all. If they can do Shakepeare, they can do anything.

During my own acting career, I suffered cruel blows as well as acclaim in the press, and I could never turn my head away from either. Thank heavens the press doesn't come to Shakespeare Club performances. Yikes, the very idea.

CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

What I will miss about Shakespeare club is perfroming on the stage with my friend because it was fun, and the will be the last time I perform and be with my friends agin.

Loved Shakespeare. It was realy what I hoped for. What I thought Shakespeare was about came true. I wanted to have a good year and play that was the best time I ever had and last time to be in Shakespeare Club.

—Garth, 4th grade

Party!

We are in Hollywood, after all, and one thing Hollywood knows how to do is PARTY!

The Shakespeare Club had a final meeting on a Wednesday in June to celebrate with a wrap party.

"What do mean, Ms. Ryane? What is that that thing you said....Like will we be dancing and having rap music or what?"

"No, no this is different kind of rap." I wrote it on a piece of paper. "See, wrap with a W. In Hollywood when actors finish making a movie they have a 'wrap party,' which means they're wrapping it up. Get it?"

Not so much, but the important word was PARTY! And they were all over that.

We met up back in our rehearsal classroom, Room 39. I had arranged the tables into a horseshoe and at each child's spot was a freshly sharpened pencil, their journal, a juice box and a paper dish of chips.

Not a single kid was missing from party day. They roared in, found their places and chatted loudly.

"Okay, watch the hand," I held my hand up and made a closing sign with my fingers until silence reigned. Then I turned my palms skyward and they stood. That's all I had to do and they recited their mottos.

We are the Shakespeare Club
We help each other
We share with each other
We honor the works of William Shakespeare
If I can do Shakespeare, I can do anything!

Another year down and I was getting all teary. Suck it up.

"Okay, we're going to have final journal writing. I'd like you to look to the front of your journals and see what you wrote when you wanted to be in Shakespeare Club and what your goals for the year were. And then write about what you learned, or especially liked, or what you will miss."

They got to work and I donned my airline hostess personality and delivered gooey cupcakes and pretzels and little oranges. Then I walked around with a trash can. They kept writing.

A lady entered the room and sat over on the side. Rachel went to greet her.

Later I whispered to Rachel, "Who is that?"

"Garth's mom."

"Ahnh."

Earlier in the year, Garth's mom was very angry with me. We shared a bad phone call at the end of which she hung up on me. Garth had an accident in one of our meetings and she was upset that it happened and blamed my actions. I felt awful about the whole thing. We had not spoken since.

Garth's father, on the performance night, gushed over his kid's work and the program, but his mom didn't come near me.

After journal writing the children stood center and shared their writing.

"You all have families at home. Moms, dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents and so on, right?

"Right, Ms. Ryane," Amaya answered, "and don't forget my aunties."

"Okay, good. Here's what also happened this year and what happens every time theatre people get together to do a play: They make a new family. Look around you in this room. You have become like brothers and sisters to each other. Remember when you did the play and neither I nor Ms. Rachel went up onstage if there was a problem?"

"Oh yeah!" called Oliver. "We had to fix stuff ourselves."

I pulled a television around front and they gathered in a bunch on the floor to watch their favorite Shakespeare-themed Simpsons episodes. They hooted and laughed and acted like a big crazy family.

Garth's mom drifted over to his spot at the table and ate his abandoned snacks. I offered her a bottle of water to wash the salty treats down. She took the bottle. She never said a word to me.

The kids, Rachel and I made a final circle and said good-bye.

Families, right? Takes all kinds.


CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

I will miss the accotrs and Derectors and the sounds and lites.

—Lizzie, 4th grade

I been in Shakespeare Club for 2 years and it is amazing! I love the experience. I'm going to miss everything! From auditioning to the perfromence. I will miss Oliver and Garth. I will miss a lot.

—Henry, 4th grade

It was all the things I thought it would be because it was fun and hard work. I thought Shakespeare club was much more fun that I thought it would be. I will miss doing a big play and Ms. Ryan and miss acting

—Chloe, 4th grade

I will miss the props. I will miss the people who are leavind.

—Mark, 4th grade

I will miss my buddy the most. I will miss everyone in the Shakespeare Club over the vacation because this was my third and last year at The Shakespeare Club. It was the best.

—Darby, 5th grade

A Golden Highway

I was at the school the day after the performances and ran into Dominick during lunch break.

"Dominick."

"Hi, Ms. Ryane," he beamed.

The joy bubbling out of the boy was not because I said hi. Nope, this was the secret delight Dominick and I shared as a result of a wondrous journey. We both knew how he'd started the year in Shakespeare Club. The hiding under a hoodie, the provoking of those seated near him and the restless interruptions.


It took a while for Dominick to get a grip on his role in the club and on his role as Macduff.

It took private chats and private script sessions in the library. It took Dominick wanting to succeed as an actor, as a hero and as the best he could be as a boy.

It took William Shakespeare.

"Dominick, you and I both know about your long journey to this place in your life at eleven years old. We both know how you've struggled and how challenges will always and forever show up in your life like they do in anyone's life. Right?"

"Yeah, that's true." Dominick looked at the ground when he answered.

I touched his shoulder.

"Here's the thing, Dominick: You are on a golden highway now. You have been hurt by stuff and by people but now you know what you are capable of. Now you know you can be great and no one ever can take that away from you."

He blinked. He smiled.

"Okay?" I asked.

"Okay," he answered.

"Enjoy all the accolades because you're a star on this campus."

"Yeah."

"See ya later, alligator."

"In a while, crocodile."

I turned to walk away.

"Hey, Ms. Ryane?"

"Yup?"

"I'm going to audition next year. We were supposed to move but I told my dad I wanted to stay for Shakespeare Club and he said okay, so I'm gonna audition."

"I'm so happy to hear that, Dominick."

CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

I first thought being the sound maniger would be hard and boring. But it turned out to be fun exiting. I loved the party the dinner and movie and Most of All The PEFORMENCE!!!!!!

I would love to be in Shakespeare next year because it's very fun you get attention and it's great. What I will miss about Shakespeare is the play the performance . How good we did that the fun. I also remember this year. I mis the play and the reharsols. I like acting people I worked with being sound maniger and everything!!!!!

—Mariah, 3rd grade

golden road from Flickr user N. J.
jumping photo from deviantART user marielliott

Wrapping It Up

After months of meetings and rehearsals followed by a full day of helping kids perform four shows, I look forward to an icy margarita with my husband, William, and any friends hanging around after the tear-down.

I love to sit back in an old wooden chair in a dimly lit Mexican restaurant, with a candle flickering inside red glass atop a table covered in a worn checkered tablecloth. Ahhh, yes.

I had hugged the last of the actors and crew and they went home with their families to bed, where I was pretty darn sure they would sleep deeply and dream crazily.

With the help of Rachel and a few hearty gentlemen, I cleaned up the detritus of another opening, another show. Chairs had to be stored, electrical tape pulled off the floor, props packed and piles of stuff wheeled out to my car, which became quickly overstuffed.

With a long push-broom the auditorium was swept, and like magic it was as if nothing extraordinary had taken place at this school — transformed into a Shakespearean theatre for a day.

Rachel had family visiting from out of town and was obligated to scuttle away to spend time with them. William was across the country working in Louisiana and my friends had attended performances earlier in the day.

There was simply no way I was going to find my way to a Mexican restaurant, all alone, to sip a frosty and munch my way through bowl after bowl of tortilla chips. So, I drove home and unpacked the car. I loaded our garage up with boxes marked THE SHAKESPEARE CLUB along with a bench, swords and a set of bongo drums.

I ran a hot bath, undressed, crawled into the tub and watched the sun set outside the window.

I drank half a glass of wine and slipped into bed for my own deep sleep and crazy dreams.

As I was drifting off, I thought of Mark, who started the club this year with a slightly tarnished reputation. His mom kept him away from the first meeting as punishment for naughty behavior. Through months of working on "Macbeth" and studying his role of Malcolm, Mark started to find, inch by inch, his discipline and the appropriate place to deliver his voice.

I closed my eyes, let my head sink into the pillow and smiled as I remembered what Rachel told me after the last performance.

"Mark's mother came up to me," Rachel disclosed. "She said, 'We didn't know he had that in him.' "

We didn't know he had that in him.
We didn't know he had that in him.
We didn't know he had that in him...
we didn't know...

zzzzzzzzzz...

CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

My wish came true. I was thinking we would not be good in the play because most people didn't know thier lines but it turned out to be good though.

1. Acting
2. Audience
3. Happy time
4. The people I worked with
5. The parties
6. Stage manager
7. Miss Ryane
8. Miss Rachel
9. Shakespeare movies
10. Parents that brought food
11. Reahersals
12. being in the back of the auditorium on May 27, 10 helping out
13. Prefromance

—Celia, 4th grade

The Best of the Best

"Ms. Ryane, was I the best?"

Calvin worked hard to learn the mechanics of our lighting board and how to run the cues for "Macbeth." He worked even harder to fight his fear of the responsibility.

Calvin had to don the shoes of his big brother Anthony, who had been our lighting operator for the previous two years.

"What do you mean, Calvin?"

"Was I better than Anthony?"

Now, I have a long history in showbiz and know first-hand the competition inherent in the arts. I have friends in the fields of medicine, law and business and they as well have tales of rivalry. It can be an evil thing, the tug-of-war for top banana.

I heard recently that Warren Buffett (who might know a bit of somethin' about somethin') declared that of all the seven deadly sins, envy is the worst because it feels rotten at the onset, feels rotten in the middle and feels rotten after all is done.

Nothing about envy or jealousy feels good, ever.

Gluttony, on the other hand, can be fun for a while.

So, what's the answer when we are in a relationship and envy rears its ugly head? If we believe that it has no place in a partnership, friendship or creative endeavor, what do we do?

Kill it. Clean and simple. Knife it in the head and leave its useless carcass at the door.

I heard Marianne Williamson address this issue and I use her advice with the kids — and with myself in the dark of the night.

She said: Imagine a world with too many great actors or writers or painters or musicians.

What a world that would be.

"Calvin, you did a great job on lights. Anthony also did a great job when he was the lighting operator. The Shakespeare Club would have been in the dark if you hadn't found your courage and done so well. And guess what?"

"What Ms. Ryane?"

"Next year you're in fifth grade and can do it again, even though lots of other kids ask me if they can be the lighting person. I just say, 'Not this year and not next, because that's Calvin's job.' "

Imagine a world with too many great lighting operators. Who would have time to fight
wars?

CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

An adventure I wish I can have is going to EL SALVADOR and explore the Volcan Izaizo (the Volcano Izaico). Another adventure I desire is to go to Mexico and explore the mountains. I would also like to explore the world and its mysteries. Some adventures I had is when I went my manchine for the first time! It was cool.

—Bettina, 5th grade

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow...Back Here Today

Some things should not surprise me and yet...

Every single year they do.

I speak of the "Ms. Ryane, we're moving and I won't be here next year!" conversation that I fall for every time I hear it.

As we neared the end of The Shakespeare Club season I was tossed this sentence from: Henry, Wendy, Garth, Oliver, Krystal, Dominick and Mary.

Indeed, Garth was moving to Texas and Mary to a new school. The others either convinced their families to stay put for a while or misheard adult conversations.

With the exception of Henry, who was up and down and hither and yon on a weekly basis. He kept trying to let me down easy on his possible departure and then the family plans changed again and then...well, this went on for months.


"Ms. Ryane, we're moving. New school, new apartment 'cause we need to be closer to my mom's work."

"Henry, I'm so disappointed. That would be sad if you couldn't be here in fifth grade for Shakespeare Club."

"I know," he shrugged and then wrapped his arms around me.

After the performances of "Macbeth" — all four of which his mother was able to attend — a new idea sprang forth.

In earlier posts I told the story of Henry and his mother's terrible health scare during the year he played Malvolio in our "Twelfth Night." Henry and his little brother had to move far away to stay with relatives and I thought it was goodbye forever. As mom's health improved, Henry came back to our school and joined the cast of "Macbeth" for 2010.

I heard from his mother after "Macbeth" finished. It was true that Henry and his brother would be entering a new school in the fall of 2010, but she hoped that somehow we could include Henry in Shakespeare Club since they would be on our campus for after-school activities anyway.

"He'll have to audition," I wrote to her.

He did audition and he also is on the list for 2011 because in a special-case scenario, Henry will be dismissed early from class on Wednesdays and I will pick him up at his other school and bring him to our campus for Shakespeare Club.

What I will do when Henry goes to the sixth and seventh grades, or high school, or college, is a mystery. I haven't solved those challenges yet.

I need a "don't grow-up" pill.

CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

I wanted to be in Shackspeare club because I love to act and this was my chance. I will miss being on stage and acting and miss all my friends. I will defiantly miss Ms. Ryane and Ms. Rachel Ill also miss all the reaersals that we had I will always remember this year.

—Page, 3rd grade