Hard News: Rolling Over

This is where William Shakespeare is buried. He died April 23, 1616 — he was also born on April 23, proving his need for rhythmic flourish continued until the end.

Word has it a small part of this Stratford-Upon-Avon church is collapsing over Shakespeare's grave and is in urgent need of repair. Any fly-by-night architect is going to tell you that structural disintegration is normal and that under the rainy English climate, roofs wear down.

Yeah well, I say not so fast. I say the Bard is rolling over. I say 393 years of angst have wormed their way into bodily unrest and he has more to say. And I say it's not because he wants residuals, retribution against Marlowe or the arguments of authorship to end. The man is ready to apologize.

William Shakespeare wants to scream, "I'm so sorry, Anne!"

At eighteen years of age, young William began dating the twenty-six-year-old hottie Anne Hathaway. He got her pregnant and a rushed marriage followed. He got her pregnant again, with twins, and decided a life as a glover or carpenter — anything less than stardom — wasn't good enough and he left.

He took off for London and left Anne to raise three children and share a home with her in-laws.

After years of climbing the career ladders of showbiz in the big city, William found his theatrical prominence and wealth. He had a large home built in Stratford dubbed "New Place" which, to my mind, is the only real evidence to question his writing gifts. New Place? Clever.

So, after decades of living as a housewife, raising three kids, having one die and finally having her husband home...he kicks off.

And poor Anne had to suffer a final humiliation at the reading of her husband's will: He left her nothing, nothing but their used bed. Which, let's face it, he barely used.

This is a cautionary tale, gentlemen. Wrong the woman and you will most certainly not rest in peace...guilt will catch up and the roof will crumble.

Repairs Needed at Shakespeare’s Grave (NY Times)