Literally? Literally.

One thing I fell in love with when I tumbled for my husband was his irritation at the misuse of the word literally.

"When I heard that, I literally hit the ceiling."

And that's when the brain damage happened?

"I'm so upset I literally haven't slept in weeks."

I'm begging you: Give me your car keys.

"I literally can't imagine why you would say such a thing."

Because you are an idiot.

The other day a caller to NPR used the word irregardless. On our highbrow NPR? I literally hit the steering wheel with my hand.

At Shakespeare Club, I shared some theatre traditions with the kids.

"Theatre people are quite superstitious. Some things are simply not allowed in a theatre."

Like what things, Ms. Ryane?


"Like: Never use peacock feathers onstage. Or real flowers — you have to use fake ones. Unless you're actually performing the play, never say 'Macbeth' — you have to say something like 'the Scottish play' or 'Lady M.' And never, ever say good luck to an actor — you have to say break a leg!"

Yeah, and then like, what if they did say that and really broke their legs and stuff. That'd be funny, huh, Ms. Ryane?"

For a second year in a row, that literally has happened.

Last year, Lucinda, a fourth grader, had planned on being our stage manager. Until:


During this year's spring break, third-grader Audrey took a mis-bounce on the family trampoline:


According to her mother, Audrey — while still at the hospital — expressed dismay at what would happen with the play. Like a true pro.

"Audrey, the show will go on! And in our production of 'A Midsummer Night's Dream,' Robin Starveling will be on crutches. Maybe when Robin was practicing her role as the Moon, she climbed a tree and fell out!"

In any case, I literally am not worried, because the girl's got gumption and the show will indeed go on.

CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

Dear Anne,
Can I pick you up for a date. We can dance.
Love,
William
P.S. You are so cute.

Dear William,
Yes, I will go on a date with you. I love you when you dance.
Love,
Anne
P.S. You can pick me up at 7:00 XOXO

If I was Queen I would eat chiken tenders french fried hamburgers and Walfs.

My rules every one has to be nice to me. My name is Queen Tandi. I would live in Hawiaa.

—Tandi, 3rd grade

"Theatre Superstitions" from Flickr user tiffanyzajas