Friday, April 15, 2011

Spring Break

Walking about the campus, I can spot teachers internally calculating. Some are counting to the halfway point of their school year, and others are adding up the days to ye olde recovery week, when hope might spring eternal.

Here's my list of DOs and DON'Ts for spring break:


1. Do not check into a hotel. Not a Motel 6, and not the Four Seasons. Not in sunny climes, nor in neighborhoods known for mere drops of sunshine. Avoid every hotel room everywhere because it's spring break and mobs of teenagers will check in.

Said youth will save dollars by sleeping twelve to a room. They will guzzle liquor then run up and down hallways, screaming about guzzling liquor. They will be sick, pass out, and start all over again. For an entire week.

Industrial earplugs will not help and calling the front desk will not help.

You will not sleep and you will not recoup from the nasty viruses which have been circulating in these young crowds from November to April.

2. Do not patronize movieplexes showing blockbuster spring break fare. Crowds at such places crawl with viruses and the popcorn has thousands of calories, even without the "butter" topping.


1. Teach children food preparation.

Start with a fruit salad. A knife is not needed. Give them bananas to peel and break into chunks. Give them berries to rinse and pour into a bowl. Little fingers can dislodge the stems of strawberries and split the morsels in two. Let them pour yogurt over the mixture and tell them they now run the kitchen while you nap.

2. Take a walk somewhere you've never been. Breathe deeply, look, and do not speak. If you're with children who say I'M BORED, shrug and continue strolling.

3. Attend a foreign-language movie. No one will be there and you can bring your own popcorn; it's expected.

4. Look at the ceiling. Consider the cobwebs, but don't remove them.

5. Eat Indian food and sweat out all impurities.


If I was queen I would eat baccon, eggs, and milk for breekfast. egg salled sandwiches, egg, picls, and sourdow bread, and strawberry juce for dinner. I would have steak and water. I would rule roam. I would have a three story manchen with balcony in every room. I would sleep in a huge huge bed room, with a big window.
—Rebecca, 3rd grade


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