Hats Off!

Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.

I've noted this admonition when it's delivered to parents and teachers. I take the concept seriously and do my best in The Shakespeare Club to do what I say and say what I do, but it's an unnatural component in my motherboard.

My husband and I have a dog and a cat. We often muse what lousy parents we would be since the discipline we set forth with our pets is ludicrously inconsistent.

"All right, that's it, you two. No more treats, bedtime, lights out and I mean it."

"Okay, just one more and then — I'm dead serious — that's it."

"What, what is it? What do you need?"

"Just one more baby-size snack? Okay, and then lights out."

Pathetic.

Both in that I can't follow through and I'm talking to a cat.

One hot May afternoon I went to the school wearing a sun hat and sunglasses. I stopped into a third-grade class for a quick word with a couple of club members.

"Ms. Ryane! Ms. Ryane, is that you?!"

A ring of panic in the little voice filled the room.

"Oh, Ms. Ryane, we've never seen you in a hat!"

Another day I curled my hair and then got caught in a windstorm.

"Ms. Ryane, are you fed up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You look like you're kinda crazy mad or something. Ms. Ryane, we've never seen your hair like that!"

Another cold day I stood on the campus clad in a white down coat.

"Ms. Ryane! Really, is that you? I thought you were my granny! What are you wearing, anyway?"

Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.

I need a uniform and a wig, and I have to follow through.

"You cannot willy-nilly miss meetings for parties or field trips. You signed up knowing that all meetings are mandatory. That means you have to come to every single one and not let your team down."

Parents and teachers, take heed. I mean it, I really do.

Lights out. I'm changing hats.

CHILDREN'S WRITES: A Journal Entry

If I was a Elizabethan man I would be a scientist and discover new stars. I would wear a white coat and black pants and any kind of shoes. Tell when a earthquake is going to happen.

—Mark, 4th grade