Hard News: The Name Game

New Yorker cartoon by William Haefeli

In the eighties there were Michaels and Jennifers; the nineties brought us Zacharys and Emilys; for this decade we have Jacobs and Hannahs.

Teachers call out: "Jeremy T. or Jeremy B." "Emma D. or Emma W." "Madison J. or Madison C."

For Gwyneth Paltrow's child, "Apple": end of story.

This year I had eight children in the club whose names started with the letter J.

As if there isn't enough in a classroom to make me sound like a blithering idiot, there's the name game. Let's do as the Chinese do and number the kids. So much easier.